The Snug

I tend to get home from work (by means of pedestrian perambulation too I might add) at around twenty to six of the p.m. variety. Claire is all for a little bit of Neighbours to gently ease us into home but I prefer something more dramatic and as she often cooks the dinner, I often get my way.

At ten to six in the evening the cable and SKY channel UKGold has a piece of televisual gold - it has the Hasselhoff jump. Every episode of Baywatch is awash with big hair and future Playboy Bunnies but all this is only fluff as each story drives relentlessly towards the Hoff's big moment. One day it might be from a boat onto another boat, another from a helicopter onto a boat or a truck to another truck, it matters not because at ten to six Greenwich Mean Time, Hasselhoff jumps from one moving vehicle to another as regular as clockwork.

The Hoff's jump has certain technique to it:

1. Legs apart, the Hoff sways from side to side slightly
2. The arms are spread in a position known as the "Scouser calm down, calm down" position
3. The knees bend and he's off!

The beauty of the Hoff jump is that it looks different from every angle, from one camera, the Hoff is jumping from ten feet above sea level, from another it's 20. The boat is directly under the helicopter or it's ten feet infront. The continuity is terrible but Hoff brushes aside such trivialities as he JUMPS!