Just my luck, Firefox crashed after I'd written some 750 words on the subject of Jesus' healing of Jairus' daughter (which was Sunday's reading in church) and the role of fear in our lives. It was pretty good stuff and I'll no doubt try to remember it all later and post it again - but for the moment I may as well just skip on to the purpose of that discussion.
The general gist was this, sometimes the things we fear are a smaller cause of suffering than the fear itself. Fear can paralyse us. Fear is the opposite of faith, which is belief in the future. Fear attacks us at the centre of our belief - in ourselves, in others and in God.
How is this relevant to a phone call I made this morning? Well because sometimes we have to take big leaps in life and looking over the precipice can fill us with fear. It's not the leap that's scary, it's waiting for your turn to jump.
A few minutes ago I jumped.
Patrick, Kitty and I are leaving Shenfield, we're waving goodbye to Essex and heading west to be closer to RJ. I've just phoned the letting agent to give them my notice to quit this flat within one month. Do we have somewhere else to stay yet? No we don't.
I've taken a leap into the unknown and it feels wonderful. I was scared before I made the call, but now I'm filled with a sense of purpose and joy. There's a big smile on my face. Proving in this case at least that the fear was worse than the thing I was fearing.
Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith – trust in God and take a risk, because otherwise we'll never achieve anything.
Today I don't feel too well and I'm already exhausted and struggling with the trials of being a single-parent to twins and missing RJ. But there's a glow inside me because amid the mundane moments of life RJ and I are living an adventure, making brave decisions, taking those leaps and running down that road that leads to a happy ever after.
Really there isn't anything better that life has to offer than that.
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