Strutting & Fretting

A group of people in Suffolk wants to silence church bells. It seems hours of musical ringing has really got their dander up.

I'm not sure they've gone after the right target though. Musical bells played by a group of people are a rather attractive sound that's as English as can be. It's the sound of the nation and interesting hobby for those who wish to make music with friends in such a skilled and physically demanding way.

On the other hand church bells that ring out at various times of day are an anachronism. They had a point when people used to guess the time of day based on how many of their children had died of the black death, but we've got clocks now. And watches. And mobile phones. And cars. And television. And radio.

No one needs a bell clanging to tell them that a service is about to start. Those who are interested are already in the church thanks to their watches. Those who don't care aren't likely to be attracted by a high-altitude cow-bell.

But I'm all for freedoms. So we'd probably best not stop the churches making a chronological racket. Instead what we need is to allow other organisations to ring bells too - with the volume allowed based customer throughput.

So for example Tesco will be allowed the biggest and loudest bell. Other local supermarkets will also probably make up the top positions. B&Q, Homebase and Garden Centres will then get in the act with their bells.

After that I suppose we'd have to give petrol stations and McDonalds a go. Then perhaps ice-cream vans - though they've already got things sorted there. And once we've got past the local paper shops and the like we can give churches their bell too.

It seems the democratic and fair approach. Yes the world will be a much noisier and siller place to live. But that's equality for you.