Harry's Blog

One of the great joys of being a parent of a three year old is the mad stream off chatter emerging from them. Granted if you're not in the right mood it can be tiring - our daughter readilly admits "I can't stop talking daddy" - but on the whole it's hugely entertaining hearing the thoughts of bonkers pre-schoolers.

Having twins makes that even more entertaining because you can overhear conversations they have with each other. Take the following for example - I was driving them back from school along the back road, where one often sees military helicopters flying to and from RNAS Yeovilton. I've retained their pronunciation of helicopter and other words.

[Pat] Oooh I've just seen a heliclopter.
[Kitty] Did you Pat?
[Pat] Yes Ditty, it was very fast.
[Kitty] It was an airlaplane.
[Pat] No Ditty, not an airlaplane, it was a heliclopter.
[Kitty] Well I can't see a heliclopter.
[Pat] That's cause it disappeared.
[Kitty] Ooh, was it a magic heliclopter Pat?
[Pat] No Ditty, it just flew away.
---
[Kitty] Daddy why are you laughing?

I just about kept control of the car.

Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not To Masturbate

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q80wfAzeRKA

Now this is one great sports video.

Patrick and Kitty have decided to put their sun hats on this morning, with their Bob the Builder helmets over the top.

Right now they are running around saying, "Two hats, Two hats."

Except it sounds exactly like they are saying "Twats, Twats."

o_O

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

There are signs that the "That's Not My..." baby touchy-feely book series has run its course. It looks like the authors are running out of ideas.

The evidence being the following extract from the next planned edition.

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You probably won't want to watch this video if you're easily offended by the word "fuck" or have no sense of humour.

This is the first page of a genuine test from marriage counsellor and newspaper columnist George W. Crane MD published in 1939.

How does your Mrs rate?

For reasons of domestic harmony and wish to retain my wedding tackle I'm not going to even attempt to fill this form in.

You can read more about the history of this test at The American Psychological Association.

Okay I must be the last person in the world to have seen this, but what the heck, it's brilliant.

One of Will Ferrell's best sketches this one.

Don't bother playing the video if you're easily offended. There is a naughty word uttered by mistake by a Sky News presenter.

What's so hard about saying Seal Cull Hunt?

With marriage just a couple of weeks away it's worth taking a look at some challenging educational material from years past when matrimony was taken more seriously than it is today.

Women Keep Your Virtue

More of this sort of thing after the jump...

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I've just played a part in the Danny Baker show¹ on BBC Radio London. This week Danny and friends are playing a mad game of birthday poker, and Danny has just played a hand against Amy using the four cards I emailed in.

My hand of Poker for my birthday, November 27th, was:

Anders Celcius
Jimi Hendrix
Bruce Lee
Ernie Wise

Amy seemed to think I'd beaten her hand. But Danny said that Ernie Wise didn't match her fourth card Charles Mingus².

So there we go, my backhand animal³ wasn't good enough - it was the flying cow from the movie Twister.

So there we go, I am Harry from Northolt.

_{¹The best show on the radio. Though the rest of BBC Radio London is crap.
²Which has now caused some controversy on the show.
³It would take way too long to explain.}

Dammit he got me annoyed. Who? The useless twonk that works in my local Burger King, that's who.

Jo and I were heading out to collect my wedding suit but I hadn't had breakfast yet, so I decided to pop in and get a bacon sandwich and my beloved asked for a black coffee.

Back in a minute, I say, then I get out of the car and enter the restaurant, not imagining the frustration that would await me.

At first all goes well, food is ordered with little fuss.

Mr Soon-to-be-discovered-as-a Twonk rings up the black coffee on the till as a latte, but I assume that's just the way the system works.

But the machine that spits out something like coffee looked like it spat out something a bit lighter than coffee too.

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Just too funny for words. Just watch one of the best action movies of the 1980s reworked by someone I know on the EG forum.

This is part of a YouTube competition to promote the new Jack Black movie Be Kind Rewind, where two dumbasses have to refilm many classic movies in this way.

Here are a few more Sweded movies to enjoy:

• Die Hard
• Total Recall
• Terminator 2
• Jurassic Park